I'm Back!

Michael Jordan famously used those two words in my title to announce his return to the NBA in the mid-90's. My returning to my pastoral role and blogging is much less historic. And while I've been back for a month or so, now feels like the time to share my reflections on my mini-sabbatical.

My TL;DR version I've been telling people is, it was restful but not relaxing. 

It was restful in that spiritually, physically, emotionally I got to a healthier place. Most importantly, I got my heart realigned towards God - an adjustment I knew I needed after being all-around worn down.

It was not relaxing though because it did not go as I had planned. As I'll explain below, a number of unexpected things came up that disrupted my weekly schedule(s).

All-in-all, I think I am walking away from the month off with two major takeaways. 

1) God shows up in unexpected difficulties.

So entering January, we knew my wife needed a outpatient surgical procedure and late in December it was set up. Stress #1 came when we had to hassle with our insurance company and 'upgrade' to a policy that would cover this procedure - at a significant expense. But we did get it covered! Then came the surgery itself, which caused my wife significant pain in the 12 hours post-operation. Once we got the meds worked out it was better but it made her miss two weeks of work. In the post-op consult, the doctor shared that they did find cancer in the skin they had removed. There was a 98% chance they got it all but recommended a follow-up surgery to be sure. 

As that was all happening, we had noticed my wife's car started running weird. The week after her surgery, I took it into the shop and it needed ignition/spark plug work that was going to cost more than the car was probably worth. God provided though. My mom gave us our share of my grandmother's inheritance and it covered that cost. 

Then the following week, a cold virus of some sort went through our family. Yay! Through all of these things, my stress level was redlining. And yet God gently nudged me to the point where I more or less had to 'give up' and say, "Ok God, will you provide and how will you do it?" God's daily provision was evident - and still has been in the aftermath of all of these things.

Stephanie has had her follow-up procedure which seemed to go well. The pain is much less though the procedure was more invasive and complicated. But things are good. God is providing. He is showing up in recognizable ways.

2) I need to "Eat This Book".

This second take-away requires explanation. One of the proactive activities I did on my break was to audit the Spiritual Formation class at Grace College and Seminary.

I actually took it 20 years ago as a M.Div. student but it was with a different professor in a much different format. I had heard over the years about this class and how this particular profess, Dr. Christy Hill, approached the subject. I knew it was the kind of class that would benefit my spiritual life and get my heart adjusted in all the right ways. 

It met my expectations and more. The class requires its students to wrestle with their hearts, their backgrounds, the assumptions and presuppositions about God. As an auditing student, I was not required to do every assignment, thus allowing me to attend to the things that would maximize the personal benefit.

One such assignment I tackled was the extra reading required of the seminary students. I got a referral from a friend who suggested I read "Eat This Book" by Eugene Peterson. It was a great referral and one of the best books I have read in a long time. Peterson is most famous for writing The Message translation of the Bible. To some, he is infamous for that work. 

"Eat This Book" concludes by the author explaining how and why he created The Message. But he gets there by inviting his readers to approach the Bible with a humble but expectant attitude. He offers a layman's version of Bibliology - his theology of what Scripture is. He encourages his audience to work with Lectio Divina the ancient tradition of personally engaging with the Word. He narrates stories of translations and makes a strong case that God wanted to meet us and spiritually form us in His Word.

Peterson is an excellent writer, wonderfully making complex ideas beautifully simple. Case in point is the books title. Three times in Scripture God asks his prophet to 'eat this book/scroll' - most famously in Revelation 10. Peterson unpacks what this means. They didn't likely chew and swallow the literal writings. It was a call to digest, savor, embody God's revelation. God wanted them (and us) to read it for it's transforming value, so His Word would become a part of us. The Bible isn't meant to be read for informational purposes. It's meant to be read so we are conformed into the image of Christ. 

This fresh perspective on God's Word was the exact glass of water my dry soul needed. I've felt worn down and in a lot of ways I know that has been rooted in a dry devotional life. This book hit all the right notes in my soul and I'm already engaging in God's Word differently. Scripture is a beautiful thing. And what the Spirit does in meeting us there is even more beautiful. I need to 'eat this book' and so do you.

What's Ahead (?)

Tonight is the last night of 2022. 

College Football bowls and playoff games are being played. Parties are being held. Winter breaks are being enjoyed (except for those who flew with Southwest). 

The rest of my family is currently asleep, though my wife will probably want to wake up to see the NYE ball drop. 

Like many often do at this time of year, I've been reminiscing about the past. Not just this year though, the last 10. January 1 marks 10 years at Milford. It has been a rewarding and eventful journey. It felt like the first five years went long, while the last five went fast. Some of that is due to COVID interrupting a good portion of a year plus. Some of it was my own learning curve in ministry those first few years. 

The first seven plus years saw a lot of rewarding things happen. Yet it has also felt like the last 3-4 years have had a lot of difficulties - illnesses, deaths, COVID complications, a congregation changing and aging. 

Tomorrow is Sunday and I will be preaching my last sermon for a bit. It's nothing serious but I am taking sabbatical from my pastorate. Only for a month - a longer one likely awaits in 2024 and I feel more worn down than burned out. But it's a break I can tell my soul needs. It's needed to reconnect with God, stay connected with my family, and find refreshment without the week-to-week grind that being a pastor can often entail. 

I will be taking a break from social media and blogging. But I look forward to returning with some fresh perspective and fresh energy to continue to serve my Lord with all I have.

An Up-and-Down Update

So I've had quite an interesting week. 

Let me start with Monday, when I had a true day off. The boys were at day care and my wife was working. I got to do my own thing at home. Nothing majorly exciting, attending a Grace basketball practice binging some tv shows, a nap. 

And then the mail came. 

We got several pieces of mail but two in particular had a pretty impactful effect on my next 24-72 hours.

One was a bill from a local Urgent Care facility that we had used at the end of October when our youngest had slipped and cut his chin open at the McDonald's playground. 

The other was from our Student Loan company. 

Before I get into further details about those things, let me also add that I checked my bank accounts online and discovered my credit card company was attempting to recharge one of our accounts for the 3-4th time after we had to straighten out a payment issue a few weeks before. 

So by Monday evening my restful and refreshing day off had taken quite a stressful turn with three separate issues needing my attention.

The Urgent Care bill was by far the most stress-inducing. When we'd taken my son in to get his chin taken care of, they cleaned in and superglued it and he was good to go. It was coded and sent to our health insurer who rejected the claim because it constituted "surgery" and was not one of the codes covered by our benefits. Therefore we were looking at a $500 bill for superglue. 

The Student Loan company letter was a notice indicating that my application for a special Public Service Loan Relief was in essence denied. As long as applicants had made 120 payments of student loans while working for a non-profit - they should receive this relief (even money returned as I understand it). I checked those boxes and had properly filled out the paperwork but they were now saying I had maybe 4 payments that qualified (?). This had to be a mistake. 

I was upset and frustrated with all three of these things basically piling on at the same time. And given the time of day, there was nothing I could do about it immediately. Except of course take it to the Lord. I have felt spiritually worn down for awhile now and am planning a sabbatical early next year. And with this stuff I felt like I was getting to the end of my rope. So I took it to the Lord and even in that I could sense a little bit of hope coming through. He's come through in the past, why doubt that he will in the present?

So Tuesday morning came and it started on a good note. My bank account-credit card issue got resolved and I'm pretty sure for good this time. That started things off well.

Things didn't go as smoothly as I contacted the Urgent Care facility. The code was correct as was the price being charged apparently. My health insurance company wasn't budging either. It was about the code from their end of things.

At this point I felt the need to righteously vent. Which I did with a Facebook post. I figured I'd have friends who'd have sage advice with all of this and I was not disappointed. It is also nice to have three ladies in our church who have experience with medical coding and billing when it comes to their previous careers.

At some point Tuesday afternoon, I pivoted to address the Student Loan Relief issue. Thankfully, the customer service agent I connected with was super-helpful and informative. She indicated that the letter I received was basically a standard form letter and that my application was technically still being reviewed and once they confirmed my employment, my status would likely change. 

Yay! Hope!

As I arrived home Tuesday, I grabbed the mail and among the numerous random things, I noticed an unsealed card envelope. Once I got our boys and our stuff loaded into the house, I looked closer at the envelope. Low and behold, someone had inserted 5 crisp $100 bills. Clearly God moved someone to generously help. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head. Of course God's coming through like this!

So really by Tuesday evening, all three super stressful issues had been resolved to a point. 

On Wednesday, I felt the need to still cover all the bases on the urgent care matter. As instructed by some of my sources, I left a message with the urgent care folks that I would be paying but wanted to file a grievance, which I spelled out to them. 

Calling my insurance company back, this new customer service person let me know that my policy actually included a Accident Waiver I could fill out for out-of-pocket expenses for accident care that isn't covered by our benefits. So we will likely be reimbursed for what we paid (over a $250 minimum)! Blessing up on blessing!

So, I've had quite an up-and-down week. And God has come through for us in some beautiful ways. It's pretty humbling to be honest. Thank you Lord!

Friday Personal-News Dump

So it's been awhile since I blogged - over a month! Yikes, clearly I have a lot to learn about building my brand. Friday afternoon is a popular time for organizations and governments and teams to release 'bad news' in what's been dubbed a "Friday news dump", when you want to attract as little cultural attention as possible. This is not the case with these things, but the timing is what it is.

But to the question of the day, "What have I been up to?"

So glad you asked - quite a bit it turns out. Here's an update complete with pictures and fun extra stuff. Apologies for some of the formatting stuff, I don't have the time or expertise right now to make it perfect.

Center for Pastor Theologians Conference

In late October, I spent three days in Chicago attending the Center For Pastor-Theologians annual conference. They intentionally address topics each year that the American Church is wrestling with. This year's theme was on "Reconstructing Evangelicalism" and it featured a terrific line up of speakers. 

The experts they brought in represented a diverse spectrum - from Kristin Kobes DuMez to Gavin Ortlund to Russell Moore to Walter Kim. I am still pondering some of the insights that were shared. I haven't sat down to really figure out my own conclusions, but the gracious-yet-assertive discussions offered many convicting truths and views. 

As with most of these kinds of events, the fringe benefits matched the direct purpose of going. I thoroughly enjoyed my time interacting with my denominational friends and peers. As we continue to consider our "Brethren identity", this conference assisted in helping us understand our place and station within American evangelicalism. The additional fringe benefit of constant access to the book publishers was worth it too. I came home with a bag full of resources and commentaries purchased at a discounted rate.

Milford First Brethren Fun Fair

Halloween is kind of a big deal in Milford Indiana. We're a smaller farm community but the townspeople turn out for the various holiday events on the calendar. Every year I've pastored here, our church has hosted a Halloween Fun Fair in our gymnasium. Kids do the ring toss, corn hole, Plinko and other games to get pieces of candy. I've arranged the games to give a subtle Gospel presentation though I'm not sure it kids really notice it. We do give out Bibles as part of our Grand Prize table. It's a fun way to connect with our community and redeem the holiday (even if in a subtle small way). 

This year, a highlight was adding a Face Paint station which allowed my son to be both Capt. America (in costume) and Spiderman via his paint.

Grandma Guiley's Funeral

On the other end of the spectrum was the home-going of my last remaining grandparent. Grandma Sue was a wonderful grandma and beautiful light for Christ. We had family come in from all over the country and it was neat to reconnect with aunts, uncles, and cousins who I hadn't seen in year. 

I'm grateful for my grandma's legacy and encouraged that we were able to celebrate her life and witness well. 

Miscellaneous

I would like to mention that I'm serving as chaplain for the Grace Lancers men's basketball team for the fourth year. It's been a good start to the season with some clear indications God is doing things in the lives of these young men. They are good people and good players - currently #3 in all of NAIA!

Please pray for our one true freshman, Hagen, who has been diagnosed with cancer and will be undergoing some surgery and treatments within the next month. 

And as I've alluded to in past posts, I have been listening to the old CCM records I got from my grandma. Some future posts reviewing the albums will be forthcoming.

Wednesday Wisdom (that could have been a Music Monday)

I can't find the original tweet, but a few weeks ago someone I follow posted a short thread about what they considered to be the best Disney song ever. 

I grew up in a classic age of Disney animated films with The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King and others coming out seemingly in rapid succession. All have well-loved music that was written for those films. More recent classics like Frozen, Moana, Encanto, and Coco have continued that Disney musical film legacy. 

But this tweet didn't identify any of the songs from any of those movies as the best ever. Instead, they called back to a movie from 1973 and the animated Robin Hood movie. But even then, this individual didn't select some of the memorable upbeat tunes like "Oo-de-lally" or "The Phony King of England". Instead, they chose this:

Once I saw this was their pick, I immediately understood. This song stands out. It stood out to me even as a young kid when I watched this movie. I had these lyrics stuck in my head still as an adult. The song matches the film's mood perfectly. And it sits in lament. It lets even a younger viewer grapple with the stakes of what is going on. The song allows the movie to not cheapen the comeback of Robin Hood and his crew with a quick resolution. It wallows in the darkness.

And while it's not my favorite Disney song ever, it has my enduring respect because of the uniqueness of it's tone and subject matter. 

On top of this, that scene also is spiritually instructive too. I used it as a sermon illustration a couple weeks ago because it matches well the instruction in 1 Peter about how God's people should respond to suffering. What do those characters do during the song? They care for each other, help feed and care for other sufferers. And the capper of the Friar and his assistant ringing the church bell "because it might bring those poor people some comfort. And we must do what we can to keep their hopes alive." 

I mean, read 1 Peter 4:7-11 and tell me that isn't exactly the point of Peter's letter.

So tip of the cap to Roger Miller, who wrote the music and lyrics. And shoutout to Mumford and Sons for their apparent love for the song as well. 

And if you are going through some struggles, let me encourage you to find some grace in an overlooked classic Disney song and God's Word to his people in the letter of 1 Peter.

Tuesday Theology Thoughts - When Not to Take the Bible Literally (?!?)

It is one of those verses that has always left me unsettled. I've heard it taught to be 100% true at face value for here-and-now and I affirmed that for a long time. 

"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted," - 2 Timothy 3:12 (ESV) 

Suffering and being persecuted for our faith in Christ is a common theme in the New Testament. See John 15:20, Romans 12:14, 1 Corinthians 4:12, the entire books of Acts and 1 Peter for starters.   

These passages cause my unsettledness to rise up in my gut like spiritual acid reflux because I look at my 42 years on this earth and I don't relate. I committed my life to Christ at the age of 4-5 and as long as I can remember have loved Jesus and wanted to live for him. I have not been persecuted. I have not had to suffer for Christ. 

Is something wrong with me? Am I not doing it right? Do I not desire to live a godly life enough? Was Paul wrong? 

All are questions that flash into my head as I try to figure it all out. I can't just dismiss 2 Timothy 3:12 as a verse out of context because there are so many others that imply the same thing. 

In preparing for this past Sunday's message on 1 Peter 3:13-22, I think an answer revealed itself that solves the interpretive tension (for me at least). And it all paid off by going back to the basics.

Whether you are interpreting, studying, or just reading the Bible, it is essential to remember that the Bible was written to people living in a world much different than ours. It was written for our benefit, but it's not a 1:1 proposition. 

There are differences to be accounted for. Principles to be discerned and applications to be made at the end of the process.

The differences to account for with 2 Timothy (or any of these other passages)?

• Christianity was a new emerging faith at the time 1 Timothy was written (likely early to mid-60's AD). 
• Christians were the cultural minority by a large margin.
• Christianity was drawing widespread suspicion and social hostility in the Roman Empire. Outright persecution of Christians was beginning to occur and would swell in the coming years thanks to Nero. 
• Christians faced the loss of their freedoms, livelihoods, social relationships, and even lives because they worshipped Jesus.

None of the above are true of the USA in 2022. 

Can we scour the headlines of the past twenty years or so and find some exceptions? I will grant that it is possible, but rare.

So I am now quite comfortable in concluding that suffering and persecution are not prescribed for us right now like it was then. Things could always change of course. 

And more importantly, while we may not have to suffer for Christ, we are called to other acts of obedience that may prove painful. We need to sacrifice for Christ for one. Our time, money, attention, priorities, and lifestyle are all things we are called to as disciples (Mark 8:34-38). Secondly, we need to surrender things in our lives for Christ like sinful habits and activities that hinder our spiritual progress (Hebrews 12:1-2). 

These things are not unrelated to suffering. I would compare them to this:

Surrender would be the outer ring. It is a voluntary decision to "suffer" in a sense. But it is not exactly what the NT speaks about when talking about trials, persecution, and suffering.

Sacrifices are also voluntary choices, but are often things we do or don't do in addition to the fundamental things we surrender to Christ when we are redeemed. These can be tough to commit to and experience but have a positive intent.

Suffering is the center of the target. These are specifically things we must endure that are not self-inflicted or personal choices. They come from the outside and are not thrust upon us for redemptive purposes or intentions by those directly involved. God does use them for good ends of course.

So when I encounter a passage like 2 Timothy 3:12 or 1 Peter 3:13-22, I should have enough humility to understand that this doesn't directly relate to me. It may apply to our brothers and sisters in Afghanistan or China but I should not totally equate my sacrifices to their sufferings. 

You may still be thinking, "But Lee, Paul says 'all' Christians seeking to live godly lives will be persecuted. Don't you take that literally? Doesn't the Bible mean 'all' when it says 'all'?"

Remember, he's writing to a particular audience at a particular time in history that is greatly different than today. 

Also take note that he does qualify to an extent in 3:13. 3:12 is not a finished sentence, Paul's full thought is,

"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived."  

He's not making a sweeping statement about the rest of history moving forward here. He is describing their current cultural climate and preparing Timothy to lead in it - see 3:14-4:5.

I find it rewarding when I can process through tensions I find in God's Word. I hope this all makes sense to you the intrepid reader who has made it this far. I may end up editing this later but I'd hope it might caution you from adopting the kind of "persecution complex" that is rampant in American Christianity today.

Tunes for a Tuesday - Agnus Dei

I got a collection of records recently. 

My mom and other relatives are going through my grandma's house and preparing to sell, donate, or get rid of all of her stuff now that she's living in an assisted living facility. Not a whole lot interested me when I stopped by, but I did take a box of records. I didn't even take time to look through the whole set until later, but I could tell this was 70's and 80's Christian music. 

We don't have a record player but there's enough "Christian classic" stuff in there that we may get one soon. First albums of Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. Top-selling Sandi Patti records, a Gaither Vocal Trio album, and randomly, a Lilly Tomlin comedy recording. 

At some point I will do blog reviews of some of these albums for sure. But they led me down a road of some of the songs and albums that I grew up with in the late 80's and 90's. 

Eventually I stumbled back on an old favorite that I liked "before it was cool". By the aforementioned, Michael W. Smith, Agnus Dei was the next to last song on his popular "Go West Young Man" album. 

It is quite a musical contrast from the rest of his album. It is symphonic, classical, written for a choir. It is beautiful worship. 

The song may have been lost to time, if not for a project Smith produced in 1998 that featured singles by a variety of popular CCM artists. Third Day, a Georgia-based rock band, put their spin on it. As the album's Wikipedia states, this version "is still played on the radio today". It was a CCM mega-hit that turned the song into a rugged worship song that was all the rage in those days.

After taking this drive down memory lane, something struck me. Is there a precedent for this at all? A song taking off in popularity 8 years or so after it was originally recorded?

The answer is yes, but it's pretty rare. Covers are very popular if you do any kind of dive into YouTube, but how many really take the original to a different level?

• In the CCM world, the only comparison that jumps to mind is "In the Light" which was written and sung originally by Charlie Peacock and then sent to the stratosphere when dc Talk covered it for the Jesus Freak album.
• In the pop music world, I would compare this to "I Will Always Love You", where Whitney Houston remade the Dolly Parton song and turned it into a 14-week chart-topper.

I would point out one big difference with Agnus Dei. The above songs are examples of improvements on an original. And this is a matter of opinion, but I think the original Agnus Dei is much better. At the time, I loved the Third Day version as I was really into that style. But given some time and space and a changing musical palate - I prefer the original. Some songs just need to be sung by groups and choirs and great vocalists.

Side note and bonus feature: I am not too entrenched in the old classics to admit that if someone has made a better version, it's these folks. I don't know who the Cottrell's are, but they and their church choir (?) did an inspired job arranging two special worship songs here: