Some things we've learned with Baby #2

So "EJ" our second son was born back on New Year's Eve 2019. For our first, Tate, I posted a Music Monday for him and later shared about the drama of his birth. It was my most read post ever.

Oldest kids notoriously get more attention, pictures, and celebration than the siblings that come later. I've wondered in my own mind if having blog posts about Tate but not EJ is an example of that. Thinking it through however, I think it is a little simpler. While Tate had some unusual aspects to his early life, EJ has been pretty normal by comparison. And normal hasn't felt "blog-worthy". 

EJ has been a joy and welcome addition to our family. He certainly adds to the dynamic of our family. Going from a family of three to a family of four has not been a little thing though. So as I've considered it, I've come up with a few blog-worthy things I appreciate because God gave us little guy #2.

1. I appreciate the busyness. "Appreciate" is a relative term here. Going from 1 to 2 kids doubles the work. We thought we had our hands full with Tate. Adding EJ to the mix has certainly stretched us. But it is rewarding work and a beautiful responsibility. We don't take our kids for granted. In the day-to-day grind of our parental routine, we try to survive the busyness. Then every so often, moments come along that make you appreciate the craziness.
   
   
2. 
   I appreciate the differences. Tate's story had drama.  And as he grew, he ended up a little behind developmentally when it came to crawling, his core, and walking. We got him on the right track thanks to a local facility. EJ had a pretty simple birth. He seems to be right on track with his physical development, figuring out crawling and using it to his advantage. Also along these lines - Tate was born pretty bald, with only peach fuzz on his dome. EJ has had a full head of hair at birth and will no doubt need a haircut way earlier than his brother.
   
   
   
3.  I appreciate the bonds of family. Before, it was two parents caring for, working with, and loving on one child. Now, there is more of a peer-to-peer element with these brother siblings. Even at this early stage, it has been cool watching them as they interact as brothers.

I should add that my wife has been a rock-star as we've had to figure out this new world of two kids. There's been plenty of stress, especially with this pandemic. She's worked hard to cover so much and God has given us enough grace to manage. And that's all we've really needed.

Music Mondays: Father and Child Edition #2

Children's songs on YouTube are apparently infinite. I've discovered this only now because of our two year old. 

Since they're infinite, what's it going to hurt to feature and comment on three more as a follow up to my last post?

Here are three more remarkable* kids songs that are in the rotation right now:

"Do you know the Muffin Man?

There are other, more palatable versions of this song featuring puppets and creative graphics. This version happens to feature youths overacting like nobodies business. It's no fault of their own. They've been directed to do so, no doubt. And I'm sure it clicks with little kid brains. But boy do I have to resist the urge to go all "Mystery Science Theater 3000" when this comes on.

"Johny, Johny Yes Papa"

Ok, there is no getting around it. This song encourages kids to both sneak food they're not supposed to have and lie to their parents. And this version even has a toddler skateboarding - so make it three things I don't want my little guy to do. On the other hand, it has taught our oldest to go "ha ha ha" whenever we sing the part of the jingle "open your mouth...". It's adorable enough to make up for the corrupting lessons of the song itself.
Let me also note that this is the most logical version of the song I've seen. There are others with all kinds of characters and objects they're eating which make even less sense.

"Down by the Bay"

After coming across this one this morning, I'm convinced is the new generation's version of "The Song that Never Ends". It seems to go on and on and on, limited only the rhyming ability of the song's author ("a snail who gets mail" "a bee drinking tea" etc). The fact that this Super Simple cartoon features various versions with the same little monster (?) singing it underscores it's potential for eternality.  Side note, does this singer have mommy issues? Why doesn't he want to go home? Just because of her incessant questions? 

I think I have a different idea for next time, but thank you for sharing a little of my parental world today.



* I say "remarkable" in that they easily get stuck in my head, provide consistent entertainment to my child, and eventually force me to make the over-thought observations you see above.

Music Mondays

A lot has taken place since my last post. Most significantly, we added a fourth member to our family - Elijah Harlow Compson, born on 12/31/20, 8 lbs 9 oz, 21.75" long. His two year old big brother has adjusted very well and so are mommy and daddy for the most part. We are blessed.

Our emotions are quite the opposite than one of the heroes of my youth. TobyMac, formerly of dc Talk and still a giant artist and producer in the CCM world, had his oldest son pass away suddenly this past fall. 

Now I am a father, that kind of experience hits home in a very real way. It is excruciating even to think about. The McKeehan's have expressed grace and faith in the few public statements they've given. And just recently, Toby came out with a powerful tribute to his son and this situation with a song that expresses grief, but also grace and faith. 

Tate's First 4 Minutes

I'm not doing my traditional Music Monday feature today. 

Instead, I'm going to share a post I've been writing in my head since the birth of my son. 

It's a bit of a lengthy story, but it's our family's story and I hope it will encourage you and turn your gaze upon our trustworthy Savior.

-------------------------------------------------------

Let me start in 2016. That was a tough year for my wife and me. We had an ectopic pregnancy in the spring and then a 'normal' miscarriage in the fall. We struggled through the pain, tried to look at the positives, and sought to trust the Lord with this process of starting a family. We both did not want to start having kids right away when we got married in 2007 and by the time other life circumstances opened it up, we discovered in a painful way that God wanted us to make this "normal part of life" a matter of faith. 

When we discovered we were pregnant again in the spring of '17, our excitement was tempered by caution. Going through what we did the previous year will do that. We were grateful as each doctor's appointment gave us indications that this baby was healthy and the pregnancy was looking good. 

Nine months seemed to drag along as we went about our lives and prepared here and there for our new arrival. Finally, as we hit December the excitement really began building. We had a due date of January 4 and had conversations with seemingly everyone we knew about the positives and negatives of having a baby around Christmas and/or New Year's. 

Tate was not especially anxious to come early, which was fine (tax benefits notwithstanding). Our primary doctor assessed Stephanie's situation and decided to induce around the due date. So, we were admitted into KCH Tuesday night, January 2nd, so we would be ready to begin the process. 

The steps they take to induce didn't really work on Wednesday and by Thursday - the actual due date - they added Pertussin or something like that, which really kicks in the birth process. Stephanie wanted to do it natural and avoid the epidural, but after long, painful contractions and little progress, we went with the shot.

The epidural sped things up Thursday night and by about 10:30 pm, it was game time. The doctor and nurses were great all week and they were especially comforting and encouraging at this point. We got to the point after midnight where the baby was right there, but pushing was not getting this little guy out. I was feeling a little anxious and frustrated when the baby wasn't coming and I can just imagine how drained my wife must have felt.  

The doctor then went with the little vacuum/suction cup apparatus to pull him out, sensing Stephanie's fatigue. First try didn't work, the cup popped off - ugh. After a few minutes and in line with the next contraction, the doctor was able to pull our little boy out. 

The next moments are both very clear, but also a complete blur. To finally see my son born and them laying him on my wife's stomach was something I'll never forget. He had a little weird color but I'd never seen this before so I had no clue what to expect. His eyes were open and head happened to be turned right towards me. The doctor, who had an hour before confirmed with me that I'd cut the umbilical cord, asked me to do so - "Boy," I thought, "that seems really immediate". Oh well, I'd never been here before. And one snip later, the cord was cut. 

The doctor and nurses had also stated several times during our stay that they promoted "skin-to-skin" care right after birth. It's where they place the baby on mom's chest right away so that mother and child can bond. Tate was laying on her as I cut the cord but pretty quickly after that, they took him off and placed him into what appeared to be a computerized changing station that had been in our room since our arrival. 

"Huh, that was quick. I thought the 'skin-to-skin' thing would be more prolonged." But my mind was overwhelmed by everything I was just taking it all in, not realizing my wife was also wondering the same thing.

As I was taking it all in, I began to sense some tension in the room. The doctor, flanked by two nurses, were speaking in quiet and terse sentences as they powered up the computerized station and cleaned off our son. But they were really doing more than cleaning. The doctor was rubbing his hands over Tate's body. It was then that I realized that Tate had been kind of limp since he came out. That, plus the color I'd noticed earlier began setting off minor alarms in my mind. I tried to ignore them and play cool, realizing my wife couldn't see much from her position and was certainly in a lot of discomfort. 

Moments later, one nurse began putting a CPR-type breathing mask over Tate's mouth and it started to hit me. By now the changing station was powered on and the heart monitor was beeping and showing about the same numbers that the monitors' had while he was still in the birth canal.

Ok, his heart was beating - good sign.
But not breathing - that's a problem.

Now worry was beginning to build. Soon, our medical team decided they needed another hand and the quickest way to do that was to hit the blue button by my wife's bed - a 'code blue' I guess (?). This called all available hospital workers to our room (!). 

We did get that extra hand pretty quickly, but chaos ensued as more and more people poked their heads in our room and offered their services. 

That certainly didn't help soothe the mounting anxiety inside of me. "C'mon little guy, pull through" and "No God, don't let this happen!" are some of the panicked thoughts I still recall as I shot up some prayers the rest of which I'm pretty sure needed the Holy Spirit's interpretation. 

There wasn't a lot of sound coming from our little guy. Just the piano-key-like beeping of the station that was monitoring him.  These minutes felt like hours and every little baby noise made my heart flutter with hope. At one point I buried my face beside my wife's ear and prayed for the both of us on behalf of our son. I could tell her concern level was matching mine. 

Later on, one of those nurses, Cory, who providentially was a neo-natal resuscitation specialist, would tell us the ordeal went about four minutes.  But Cory, Megan, and Dr. Cook did get our little guy breathing again. It was a relief like I'd never known when their tone changed and they shared that he was doing ok and breathing on his own. Sometimes this happens they would explain, when the baby comes out of the womb and is shell-shocked at this new world they are entering and they don't realize they need to actually breathe. 

Relief and joy and gratitude washed over us. They took him to the nursery to monitor him for a little bit and despite all the machine beeps and alarms, our little guy stayed wide-eyed and pretty chill - just taking in everything, and of course breathing on his own. That's where this picture was taken, probably about 3 am.

It's a scary thing to imagine how close we came to being utterly devastated. We know couples who have lost children late in term. We have heard stories of babies who died at birth. I can't offer a perfect theological explanation for those situations, but in our case I can confidently say that God was so gracious to us. He was looking out for us. We had the perfect set of medical professionals for this kind of problem and the Great Physician watching over us.

Someday, we will tell our son about his first four minutes. I hope to do so in such a way and at such an age where he will truly understand God's protective and providential hand on his life. I hope he will recognize how even with his birth, we can see God's grace and love for us tangibly at work. 

Someday we will tell our son about his first four minutes and how they were a reaffirming experience for us of God's infinite goodness and infinite mercy.

All it took was four minutes.

Music Monday - in honor of Tate Wesley Compson

Early in the morning on January 5th, my wife gave birth to a precious 8 lb 5 oz baby boy we named Tate Wesley. 

He's changed our lives for the better. He sleeps, eats, poops and is pretty chill overall until he's hungry. Next week I think I'll share a bit about that January 5th experience. But this week I wanted to share a little of our joy with you. 

In celebration of this cute little guy, I thought I'd post a song from one of the few movies that's ever made me legitimately cry. 

This is John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy":

The movie is "Mr. Holland's Opus" and the song is featured during a key turning point in the movie where this high school music teacher plays it for his deaf son, who he'd struggle to connect with for a long time. 

That scene and the finale get me every time. And the song definitely reflects the pure love a dad feels for his son.

Here's the movie scene for a bonus clip:

I'd better end it here, I think my son's waking up.

Music Mondays

A couple years ago, my wife and I visited "Hitsville U.S.A." the house-turned-recording studio-turned-museum that celebrates the Motown Records legacy of the 50's and 60's.

It was a sentimental trip for me because I remember by Dad, a native Michagander with musical gifts of his own, really liking those classic Detroit hits of that era. From "Please Mister Postman" to "Shop Around" to "Where Did Our Love Go", the hit songs were numerous as the number of groups and artists who sang them.


It was those songs and that era that immediately came to mind when I heard Ed Sheerhan's latest hit:

What a great, pure, and soulful love song.

This one's in memory of you dad, and dedicated to you Stephanie, by loving and beautiful wife.

Personal and Pastoral Thoughts on Father's Day

Father's Day is an interesting celebration for me. As a pastor, it takes on one sort of significance. Personally, it takes on a whole different sort of significance.

The pastoral side of me absolutely loves this holiday. God's Word has some great principles for fathers. It calls upon fathers to lovingly teach and lead their children in the things of God (Deut. 6). It models for them how to impart wisdom and what specifically to share with them (the whole book of Proverbs). It encourages otherwise harsh and removed fathers to be gracious (Ephesians 6:4). And when we consider the entirety of Scripture, the God that is progressively revealed as perfectly loving, just, holy, powerful, and good is regarded as our Father (Psalm 68:5, John 14:1-10, Romans 8:15, 1 Peter 1:17-21, et al).

The personal side of me has conflicted thoughts because of my own father. He died when I was 11. So on Father's Day, I have no one to take out to hug, take out to dinner, and share my appreciation. My father also had his own complicated struggles that affected our family even before he passed. He was imperfect like all human fathers of course, but I was just old enough to begin to understand that his flaws were more than run-of-the-mill. Yet I also knew he loved me very much and he loved the Lord despite his struggles.

So on a day like today, I'm excited and reserved all at the same time. I passionately want to call sons of God to become the mighty fathers God desires them to be. And yet I empathize with those who had negative experiences with their earthly fathers and those who had no experience at all.

I've come to the conclusion that it's ok to view Father's Day with these mixed emotions. It's the reality of the human experience that God is redeeming.

Sermon Snippets

Father's Day is upon us. 

That is an occasion of celebration for many, but a bittersweet reminder for others. We don't pick our fathers, but they have a tremendous impact on us - even if they are absent.

On Sunday we will look at two key ingredients that make up a good father. But I thought I'd pass along an article I read earlier this week that I found to be pretty moving. 

This isn't a good article, it's a great one. And I'd encourage you to read it, especially if you are like me, and had to navigate part of your life without your biological dad.

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/06/12/boers-in-celebration-of-dads/