Michael Jordan famously used those two words in my title to announce his return to the NBA in the mid-90's. My returning to my pastoral role and blogging is much less historic. And while I've been back for a month or so, now feels like the time to share my reflections on my mini-sabbatical.
My TL;DR version I've been telling people is, it was restful but not relaxing.
It was restful in that spiritually, physically, emotionally I got to a healthier place. Most importantly, I got my heart realigned towards God - an adjustment I knew I needed after being all-around worn down.
It was not relaxing though because it did not go as I had planned. As I'll explain below, a number of unexpected things came up that disrupted my weekly schedule(s).
All-in-all, I think I am walking away from the month off with two major takeaways.
1) God shows up in unexpected difficulties.
So entering January, we knew my wife needed a outpatient surgical procedure and late in December it was set up. Stress #1 came when we had to hassle with our insurance company and 'upgrade' to a policy that would cover this procedure - at a significant expense. But we did get it covered! Then came the surgery itself, which caused my wife significant pain in the 12 hours post-operation. Once we got the meds worked out it was better but it made her miss two weeks of work. In the post-op consult, the doctor shared that they did find cancer in the skin they had removed. There was a 98% chance they got it all but recommended a follow-up surgery to be sure.
As that was all happening, we had noticed my wife's car started running weird. The week after her surgery, I took it into the shop and it needed ignition/spark plug work that was going to cost more than the car was probably worth. God provided though. My mom gave us our share of my grandmother's inheritance and it covered that cost.
Then the following week, a cold virus of some sort went through our family. Yay! Through all of these things, my stress level was redlining. And yet God gently nudged me to the point where I more or less had to 'give up' and say, "Ok God, will you provide and how will you do it?" God's daily provision was evident - and still has been in the aftermath of all of these things.
Stephanie has had her follow-up procedure which seemed to go well. The pain is much less though the procedure was more invasive and complicated. But things are good. God is providing. He is showing up in recognizable ways.
2) I need to "Eat This Book".
This second take-away requires explanation. One of the proactive activities I did on my break was to audit the Spiritual Formation class at Grace College and Seminary.
I actually took it 20 years ago as a M.Div. student but it was with a different professor in a much different format. I had heard over the years about this class and how this particular profess, Dr. Christy Hill, approached the subject. I knew it was the kind of class that would benefit my spiritual life and get my heart adjusted in all the right ways.
It met my expectations and more. The class requires its students to wrestle with their hearts, their backgrounds, the assumptions and presuppositions about God. As an auditing student, I was not required to do every assignment, thus allowing me to attend to the things that would maximize the personal benefit.
One such assignment I tackled was the extra reading required of the seminary students. I got a referral from a friend who suggested I read "Eat This Book" by Eugene Peterson. It was a great referral and one of the best books I have read in a long time. Peterson is most famous for writing The Message translation of the Bible. To some, he is infamous for that work.
"Eat This Book" concludes by the author explaining how and why he created The Message. But he gets there by inviting his readers to approach the Bible with a humble but expectant attitude. He offers a layman's version of Bibliology - his theology of what Scripture is. He encourages his audience to work with Lectio Divina the ancient tradition of personally engaging with the Word. He narrates stories of translations and makes a strong case that God wanted to meet us and spiritually form us in His Word.
Peterson is an excellent writer, wonderfully making complex ideas beautifully simple. Case in point is the books title. Three times in Scripture God asks his prophet to 'eat this book/scroll' - most famously in Revelation 10. Peterson unpacks what this means. They didn't likely chew and swallow the literal writings. It was a call to digest, savor, embody God's revelation. God wanted them (and us) to read it for it's transforming value, so His Word would become a part of us. The Bible isn't meant to be read for informational purposes. It's meant to be read so we are conformed into the image of Christ.
This fresh perspective on God's Word was the exact glass of water my dry soul needed. I've felt worn down and in a lot of ways I know that has been rooted in a dry devotional life. This book hit all the right notes in my soul and I'm already engaging in God's Word differently. Scripture is a beautiful thing. And what the Spirit does in meeting us there is even more beautiful. I need to 'eat this book' and so do you.
